On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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