I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize