i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
