u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
