if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
