I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
