I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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