i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
