we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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