Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
