i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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