i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
