What did we do last night that was yellow?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
