I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
