I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
