toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
