I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
