I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
