Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
