Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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