i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she told me i tasted like america
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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