loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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