were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
