Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
