2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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