She's JV to your varsity
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
