I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
