Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
