Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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