The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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