Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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