Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The beer is more important than you right now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can't talk, ducks in the car
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize