hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
