If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize