i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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