But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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