Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
