Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
