When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
