My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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