I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
