I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
