Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My balls are so social today.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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