opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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