ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
