we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
