____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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