her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
