five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
