i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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