fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
