12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
