sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
