I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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