I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
