Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
operation harelip BJ is a go
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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