This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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