At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize