just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
