I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
