Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
