he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
