The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
