Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
