I hate all girls vehemently.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
