i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
