It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
