in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
